{ split subject }

in attendance: ron moore (who I introduced myself to), kate vernon and
michael trucco, various boy actors whose names I can't be bothered to
remember, jane espenson, jamie paglia, and joss, as always. here's em
and ricky manning of farscape. soon to be added: more pictures of our
awesome signs!



eta:

.

there's a whole story, but the most interesting part is: somehow we ended up with the very best kitten in the entire world.

Here we are on our new free futon! Photo by heyiya at writers' lock-in (not pictured: thassalia).


we're both wearing the new dresses we bought yesterday at Sunset Junction:

At the museum of art and design with mom, there were these jackets made of velcro to play with! The sign says 'please try on if you feel lonely.'

It's possible that I shared em's flame red hair dye, and it's possible that while doing so I looked like a TV alien.


eta: flame heads!


eta2: comic book heroine!

Heautoscopy is a term used in psychiatry for the reduplicative hallucination of "seeing one's own body at a distance." It can occur as a symptom in schizophrenia and epilepsy. Heautoscopy probably forms the basis for doppelgänger phenomenae. [wikipedia]

also in the OED: before a vowel heaut-, comb. form of Gr. [...] of oneself, used occas. instead of the more common AUTO-: as in heau'tandrous a. [Gr. [...] man]. he'auto'morphism [Gr. [...] form] = AUTOMORPHISM 1. heau'tophany [Gr. [...] to show], self-manifestation... [there's also the more conventional Latin Autoscopy, but this seems to mean an "out-of-body" experience without the advention, necessarily, that one's body is a "double" of the self]

as in, the sort of word that, now that it's been brought to our attention, is totally indispensable to the likes of nessica_heroes, or doppelcest in general (my obsession)!

not to mention to majoritython, the new LJ community dedicated to the semi-virtual love of doppelgängers projectjulie and iamsab.

_plasticity_ and I are inspired. we're totally planning a theorywank piece about heautoscopy (which we decided, arbitrarily, should be pronounced like "beauty") and television and slash. ROCKIN.

eta: [yes, we ARE IMing while sitting on the same couch]
pandora8julie: I'm heautoscaping you RIGHT NOW
erisiansun: at least when you're heautoscaping, life isn't hebetudinous!

not like I pay attention to birthdays, as a general rule, but this one's my girl! iamsab, here are some virtual presents I collected for you:

_Ellen Page to play a teenge lesbian werewolf!

_speaking of lesbians, Lizzie the Lezzie is a cartoon featuring an adorable and disconcertingly vulgar little girl (actually, it reminded me of spycookies)

_plus, Cuddy/Cameron apocafic (so literary as to be a bit wtf, but still, apocafic!)

_"medical reviews" of House episodes (that link from mitconvergence, a blog that might be worth reading for professional reasons)

_have you seen Meerkat Manor? it's like your lion show -- only less cool than lions, obviously

__plasticity_ thinks we should watch this early Cronenberg movie about sex-starved zombies (among others, no doubt -- they're planning a zombie film fest at Brown for Halloween!)

_I believe your dastardly plan to get me addicted to NCIS has succeeded! despite the fact that, yeah, this whole schtick at the beginning of season 4 where Tony is supposed to somehow not be a wanker totally isn't working for me. I had a dream about Ziva (the official benchmark of TV addiction) wherein she had a hot nemesis (doubtless based on the Iranian spy she kills in 4x01) who she kept having hot sex with against her will. and I saw the Very Special Gay Episode where Gibbs calls Tony "honeybuns" and pets his head. this is my revelation: Gibbs is to Tony as Roslin is to Starbuck. I mean, this is exactly the dynamic my girls have in my personal faniverse, where Starbuck is Roslin's sidekick. discuss amongst yourselves.

_it looks like I AM on fellowship for all of next year! I'll move out of my apartment on June 1. there are various uncertainties and dramas about what sort of situation I should move into; I need to continue to have a bed and a bookshelf and a dresser in providence, is the bottom line. but I'm ready to talk about my Shoemoney office, for real.

the rest of you are going to have to bear with my absence these next few months. I'm working basically nonstop until after my orals (march or early april). livejournal is rather hopeless right now.

I'm woefully behind on lj again, for no good reason. and I've been keeping this list of things I'd like to post about, if I were ever to have time to post, which I don't for the foreseeable future (blah blah insanity-until-mid-march-cakes, see cyborganize and tvhere for updates). so I might as well do one of those entries where I make a list of the things I'll tell you more about at some later date (or not):

i. speaking of behindness, of necessity I've been bookmarking a whole bunch of your fic for a rainy day, including everything yuletide (nor have I gotten to much of anything on the previous list *facepalm*). my apologies!

ii. I feel a bit like the apocryphal lesbian with the U-Haul, that is, all this talk with iamsab of weddings and babies (the things that clyde_man, for the record, has never wanted with anyone, least of all me) is perhaps ridiculously premature. but the thing is, it works in surprising ways (surprisingly rich and quotidian ways). and I don't believe that comes along very often in a lifetime.

iii. you should join this thing that wearemany discovered. it's totally addictive! you can update it from the site or by IM or txt (though I'm having trouble setting that up) or software with a little blurb about what you're doing. and there are multiple ways to track people, too, that I'm still figuring out (there's some sort of RSS feed of me, for example eta: twitter_pjulie -- and there'll be another one that includes me plus all my friends, I think, WHEN I HAVE THEM) -- don't you want to keep track of me?? and it's far less big brother-ish than plazes, though I'm also still addicted to that. also, I went ahead and joined OurChart. *eyeroll*

iv. shananaomi made girls gay for us as requested! your votes were taken into account.

v. I spontaneously switched from Eudora to Mail without quite realizing what was happening. I mean, I like Mail, but Eudora and I have been together for over 10 years! but there was the import mailboxes button, and *bloop* I'm joining the 21st century.

vi. my best and only LA celebrity sighting this trip was Ethan Phillips -- aka Neelix on Voyager! actually em did the spotting with her special kung fu, since it's a challenge to recognize him without the elaborate makeup. he sat down next to us at Cafe 101 on my first and samdonne's last morning. BUT MEANWHILE EM SAW GRACE PARK! she stood in line behind her at Starbucks; tragically, I was not with her at the time.

vii. I have "crazy BSG dreams" on my list, but the dreams were ages ago and now I've totally forgotten them! eta: and then LAST night I dreamed and dreamed about hanging out with Mary McDonnell. it was sort of wonderful and sort of torturous.

viii. I've been contemplating writing up an eloquent position statement on the flailing over how Kara's recent "tomcatting around" is out of character and/or bad and wrong, neither of which I believe is true. but that's fatally low on the list of priorities. so all you get is this snip from an email to mandysbitch: a) I DON'T think Kara is a bad person. I think she's being true to the parameters of her relationship -- Anders makes clear that he knows about this arrangement and accepts it. I have a VERY hard time blaming folks for being in love with two people [see further: my strange lack of h8 for McDreamy]. the way she's handling it may seem like a rationalization, but it's one that works for her and her partner, and I don't think Lee's proposal that they both leave their spouses is any more objectively moral (in fact, Lee is perhaps a BIGGER dick, as he seems to have NO concern for Dee's feelings). b) well, many would say this IS out of character for Kara, and offer various evidence from her earlier dalliances (basically that Gaius is the only random hookup she had, and even then she was thinking of Lee, and she has been anything but callous with others' affections and her own). OK fine, but I STILL think there's some underlying sexist disapproval of the promiscuous woman going on here. although Kara hasn't had many onscreen hookups, her promiscuity was always implied, and that's always been one of my FAVORITE things about her character. (plus somebody made Brokeback Galactica [Lee/Anders], which is totally FTW!)

ix. we were watching Big Love as a family in Ptown, joking about clyde_man and hir three wives (only s/he swapped pixieslap for me in boston, so we were never all there simultaneously). I'm the 2nd, but I don't think I'm much like nikki. lucky is totally barb, except for how clyde has to be bill+barb, what with being the breadwinner plus the one who does all the cooking and scheduling. it was really quite adorable. then we mapped it out for Shoemoney Haus too! in that version, I'm very much margene, which makes perfect sense.

x. have I mentioned that I love television? everything (see the list in my sidebar) is starting up again, yay. plus I have this ambitious list of things to learn, which goes something like:

The Book Group (UK)
Elizabeth I (miniseries, Helen Mirren)
Bleak House (miniseries, Gillian Anderson)
Yin Yang Yo (Disney cartoon that steph's in)
Freaks and Geeks
30 Rock
Veronica Mars seasons 2+3
At the Hotel (miniseries, Canada)
Kink (documentary, Canda)
The Office (US), with clyde_man

I'm still not sure where to find the canadian ones, so holler if you can help. also, I need Passion Fish and everything else with Mary McDonnell, pretty please. youtube has a whole bunch of clips of her on ER!

I'm back in Providence as of JUST NOW, if that wasn't apparent...

there are things afoot. thoroughly mundane things which nonetheless have major ramifications for my life:

i. clyde_man left hir miserable job. s/he took a fat severance package which means s/he gets paid for months and months, and isn't even *allowed* to work until 2007. so this is for the win. but it changes plans, perhaps makes the future even more nebulous. clyde's in Provincetown with partner lucky for most of december (NB: the idea of hir staying with me for part of this interim period never even came up), which means I'll be holidaying there and probably not passing through NYC at all over break. clyde has employment irons in the fire in Jersey, and none elsewhere at this point, so we're still stuck with this ongoing conundrum where s/he needs to figure out what s/he wants and needs in life and I need to be here in Providence for the foreseeable future, writing. so, continuing limbo.

ii. meanwhile I had a long talk with iamsab on IM last night, which is a rare treat, and was still all giddy today. still all awed at this love. I mean wtf? this requitedness shit NEVER happens to me. and right now everything is one-step-at-a-time, but I know there are some difficult conversations with clyde on the horizon. or rather, I have a disconcerting premonition that down the road, profound personal decisions will end up being determined for me by the geographic vagaries of the academic job market. presuming I don't manage to consolidate everyone in the vicinity of Boston, which is probably a pipe dream. I'd move to LA in a second if I got an offer, but that's equally true of NYC or Baltimore or wherever clyde may be. and unfortunately, it may very well be equally true of Missouri or New Mexico or Montana or whoever wants to put me on a tenure track (presuming anybody even does).

iii. complicating foresight further is the fact that Brown recently announced that they'd prefer to yank 6th year funding for grad students across the board, thank you very much (until now I was assured that a 6th year was to be expected, although it's not guaranteed IN WRITING). I'm fortunate enough that money will never be a dealbreaker for me personally -- but still, the bastards! I'm scrambling to figure out whether I can get special dispensation to be nominated for a diss fellowship for next year (my fifth) instead of the year after (the planned timeline), so that I don't miss the opportunity for a fellowship entirely. this would be simpler if I'd taken my exams already, like I was vaguely supposed to -- but honestly I don't think there's anything I could have done differently. I'm a cylon person, not a theorywanking automaton, and I won't apologize for that. if/when I'm on fellowship I don't have to work and can theoretically BE wherever I want, though the smart choice would be wherever I can actually write, and now that question mark might be looming much sooner than expected. and I might also have to write a dissertation abstract, like, yesterday. but I'm tripping gaily forward with the exams, in any case -- I desperately need to write this giant field essay. starting tomorrow.

iv. I may very well get a cat. not a kitten, as that would be insane with the constant demand for attention and the destroying of things and the ensuing need to realistically get two kittens, but a calm and cuddly adult cat. I've been holding out for a dog (a little fluffy handbag dog), but it's increasingly clear that a lifestyle that can accommodate one is still a long way off. cats are simpler, and I have come to like them, and they can climb up into my loft bed, and I have many friends here who would take a cat for weeks or months if I'm traveling. what brought this on is that my cousin's girlfriend is fostering a mama cat and two kittens that she found stray. the mama (they call her Sophie) is apparently very sweet (clearly socialized with humans, not a feral cat) and black with white belly and paws (not my favorite cat coloring -- I'm partial to spots and/or stripes, as in all things -- but really the former is more important), and they're looking for a home for her. I'm meeting said cat on saturday, and if we like each other and I'm not allergic I may really take the plunge.

bonus miscellaneous and less mundane thing:

v. I did my presentation for the Female Sexuality Workshop last week (twice). they only gave me 50 min. to cover alternative sexuality/relationships, which is a little ridiculous, but all my investment in outlining last spring did pay off because I have this puppy honed to a science (to mix metaphors?). Harvard coming up on thursday, where I get 2 hours -- and I talked to the organizer on the phone last week re: my previous round of workshops, and she said, "you changed me and my friends' lives. you don't know, it's just a couple hours of your time, but it totally opened up our worlds" -- which was unimaginably gratifying. it's such a little thing I do, and something I enjoy so much -- sharing my perspective and experiences. so needless to say, if YOU have any sexuality-related and/or personal questions, feel free to fire at will.

and now, mundane eljayish things which have only the most minor ramifications for my life:

vi. I've returned to the present! I believe that I am once again more or less caught up on lj (*with the exception of sitcomathon fics, and a handful of tabs still currently open). that took ALL fucking weekend. I didn't comment much during the blitz, but rest assured that I read faithfully as always. I know I say this EVERY time, but srsly I can NEVER let this happen again. if you are joining me for any of my travels, please make sure/understand when I take the time to keep up with my flist. you'd think it would be a boon to my schoolwork to let lj slide for a bit so I can focus, but it just disrupts my rhythm in the long run. I'm tempted to try to actually log this (stopwatch! spreadsheet!), but probably 75% of the time commitment is BSG fandom (split relatively evenly between articles/discussion posts and fic FB, give or take on any particular week) -- so you're not the problem, dearest flist. possibly I'm getting a wee bit burned out on BSG, in fact, but hopefully that's just the erstwhile behindness talking, because otherwise I'd be at a loss for what to do about it (NB: I am taking a week off vlogging for thanksgiving).

vii. meanwhile, I wrote three drabbles [scroll to the bottom], with one a week in the works for the near future. yes yes, I KNOW. except I'm kind of in love with my tiny distopian AU based on "Torn" (which has parentheses). plus, leavethesky wrote the best BSG spec EVER! and sheepfairy reminded me that we should be upset that Caprica apparently dumped Boomer for Three (the mesmerizing blondness of Three/Six distracted me from cylon!OTP, I admit). where is Boomer when she's not doing naked tai chi?!? *riots* *riots about all other continuity issues too, just for good measure*

viii. ashfjrhglkljskh *DED* notpiecebypiece is totally right that part 5 of Mary McDonnell's Q&A is OFF THE HOOK! MIDDLE-AGED SEX! CRAAAAAAAAAZED FANGIRLS! sadly, Mary also confirms that she does not want to make out with me (she really is astonishingly gracious about it) -- so there goes my last 1% shred of hope. and may I just say: if we're going to talk about age bias in TV sexuality, can we please talk about middle-aged (her words) characters having sex with younger characters, and not just them respectively doing it with each other?! kthnxbye. (and awwwwwwwwww Mary/Katee story in part 3!!! and also she is NOT shipping R/A, ha! it's "unfathomable" for Roslin to "get involved with a MAN at this point in her life." IJS) (I haven't been able to figure out how to capture the files since they went flash -- does anybody know how I can get my hot little hands on bootleg videos?)

ix. ummmmmmm I friended back I think one or two more galacticans, but if you're not one of them and you friended me and you care if I friend you back, give a holler and I'll see what I can do. I might also have defriended a couple of people -- not because I don't think you're lovely!

x. I never meme myself because I don't have the time, but this one is easy because YOU have to do all the work! I'm sure I could think up better questions but then it wouldn't be a meme. I am marking the freebies (those which are either [O] for obvious or [A] for given away above).

( stalker meme! )

eta: nobody did the quiz! that's OK, I didn't really answer anyone else's quiz.

when I started writing this two hours ago, I did not expect it to be nearly so long and elaborate. xxx

i. I precipitated a grading crisis, yet again. you'd think I'd know better by now. anyway, I survived. but in the process of desperately trying to avoid the papers, I inadvertently started writing a 7-part BSG drabble series based on "Torn" (and whatever is to come). apparently the quest for Earth is inextricably linked to girlsex in my twisted mind. believe me, this is the LAST thing I have time for right now, and I'm extremely disappointed in myself. but there's nothing for it now but to press on (The Word probably always needed a part 13, anyway).

ii. not only did I start new fic, which is NOT ALLOWED, I actually sat down and wrote frakking META about it. *headdesk*

iii. but is it any wonder I'm obsessed, when my girl is dressing up as Boomer?!? it's a tragedy that I wasn't there, in that same outfit. there are many copies!

iv. I had a dream that Tory left Laura for Maya, because Laura wasn't treating her right. wtf is that about? obviously *I* would never leave Laura, no matter how much she took me for granted. also I had a dream that MM cut her hair, and when I woke up I was very happy that it wasn't true.

v. GO BLUE. I can't quite believe we actually did it.

Happy (2 year) ljversary to meeeeee! This house is basically lj made flesh.

iamsab. Boston. hurrah!

Welcome 2 the family, Dr. Lisa Cuddy! (Em's new car omg!)

Who knew they even HAD a subway in LA?! I'm convinced it's a set. And l00kit em all sassed out in her coat-present!

Home safe, but i left a bit of myself behind w/ iamsab on the santa monica ferris wheel. A brilliant trip.

I'm stayin in la till weds. so we can complete our plan 4 world domination. we'll see whether anything remains of my sanity...


eta: PH34R U5555!!1!!!eleven!!

iamsab and I are a-thinkin'. she made me presents! and also, sent pictures:

( will meta 4 food )

we look quite fetching, imnsho.

clyde has been feeling better and is getting mri-ed at the moment (wireless at the medical place from cafe next door = yay!) but we suspect s/he just has a muscle sprain of some sort and not a herniated disc. and anyway her doctor is back in the office so things are looking up.

oh, I always forget the things I am meaning to tell you. I try to make these little lists on stickynotes. I am really trying to finish the TV-only version of the paper today or tomorrow and am rather, just, unsettled and spazzy.

eta: yup, clyde_man *does* have a "mild" herniated disc (an "annular tear"). go-go gadget radiologist. doc says most of the agony is probably from muscle spasm as a secondary symptom (backs, she says, tend toward a "vicious cycle" of getting worse and worse once they are injured), and the first thing to be done is to get the pain under control with some slightly better DRUGS and hopefully acupuncture. physical therapy will come later but only after clyde is more functional. so that's the plan. but she is better since saturday and schlepped all over today, just has to keep taking it easy.